Imagined Conversations (4.28.14)

A: It’s just that yesterday she had a small crisis. She is recovering from an operation. She doesn’t feel well.
B: Unforgivable behavior… I just assumed it would be all roses. She signed a letter of resignation?

Imagined Conversations (4.14.14)

B: Ok, but if we find out you voted—your five fingers? Michele? You might not see them anymore. There is not a shortage of what we can use. Like, Bible. You’ll be like, “Everything was very efficient. I was knocked out for a bit while they looked in my stomach, and was home again a few hours later. Man, was I impressed.”
A: Brutality stands in stark contrast to our values as a nation.
B: No. Brutality, cynicism…those too are civil rights worth fighting for…

Imagined Conversation (4.7.14)

A: A trained ape…
B: We need to get this behind us. This nation admits its errors, as painful as they may be.
A: A trained ape preventing surveillance of millions of people at a time? That is totally within our abilities.

Ask Katharine

Use that fear. Wear that fear proudly like a communion dress, like a charm bracelet, where each charm symbolizes a life experience. Do not actually wear any charm bracelets. They show weakness.

Imagined Conversations (4.1.14)

A: We’re French, we had to put wine in the story. And so life had champagne parties.
B: Well, a party without champagne…
A: —Is a war without weapons. You know, if I was younger, we’d have had a great passionate affair for two years and been friends the rest of our lives. I can tell you that frankly. That said, if you violate my airspace, there will not be a funeral!

Life Sentences: Shakespeare, God, Popeye

“I am not what I am.” Wait, what? No Fear Shakespeare—the Sparknotes guide that translates Shakespeare into “the kind of English people actually speak today”—graciously glosses this as “I am not what I appear to be,” but he doesn’t really say that does he? No, he doesn’t; he says he is not who he is. This is not a question of weird/scary Elizabethan English.