Imagined Conversations (4.28.14)

A: It’s just that yesterday she had a small crisis. She is recovering from an operation. She doesn’t feel well.
B: Unforgivable behavior… I just assumed it would be all roses. She signed a letter of resignation?

Imagined Conversations (4.14.14)

B: Ok, but if we find out you voted—your five fingers? Michele? You might not see them anymore. There is not a shortage of what we can use. Like, Bible. You’ll be like, “Everything was very efficient. I was knocked out for a bit while they looked in my stomach, and was home again a few hours later. Man, was I impressed.”
A: Brutality stands in stark contrast to our values as a nation.
B: No. Brutality, cynicism…those too are civil rights worth fighting for…

Imagined Conversation (4.7.14)

A: A trained ape…
B: We need to get this behind us. This nation admits its errors, as painful as they may be.
A: A trained ape preventing surveillance of millions of people at a time? That is totally within our abilities.

Ask Katharine

Use that fear. Wear that fear proudly like a communion dress, like a charm bracelet, where each charm symbolizes a life experience. Do not actually wear any charm bracelets. They show weakness.

Imagined Conversations (4.1.14)

A: We’re French, we had to put wine in the story. And so life had champagne parties.
B: Well, a party without champagne…
A: —Is a war without weapons. You know, if I was younger, we’d have had a great passionate affair for two years and been friends the rest of our lives. I can tell you that frankly. That said, if you violate my airspace, there will not be a funeral!

Life Sentences: Shakespeare, God, Popeye

“I am not what I am.” Wait, what? No Fear Shakespeare—the Sparknotes guide that translates Shakespeare into “the kind of English people actually speak today”—graciously glosses this as “I am not what I appear to be,” but he doesn’t really say that does he? No, he doesn’t; he says he is not who he is. This is not a question of weird/scary Elizabethan English.

Imagined Conversations (3.17.14)

A: Didn’t mind so much if it was inaccurate.
B: People didn’t mind so much if it was inaccurate? Well, they need some basic plumbing lessons. And they have clearly lost all human morality. They’re setting fire to the future… There is no greater freedom than the right to survive.
A: Listen, I hear you: Muenster is Muenster, no matter how you slice it.