Imagined Conversations (7.30.14)

saladarticle

Spoken quotes from the week’s news in dialogue form.

A and B overhear a plastic surgeon, Dr. C, speaking with his assistant, D, at an adjacent table somewhere inside Soho House West Hollywood.

Dr. C: Our two big procedures are ethnic rhinoplasty, which tends to make an ethnic or African nose more Anglo—and butts!

D: We are giving people larger derrières.

Dr. C: They want more ethnicity.

D: If Martha Stewart can do it, anyone can do it.

A and B overhearing.

A. Can you believe that guy! I will seize my own day. Carpe penis!

B: Not committing any crimes.

A: I won’t hesitate to hang those fuckers from lampposts!

B: He’s a smart guy. He knows what he’s talking about.

A: I want him out of our community.

B: Thank you. Please don’t recognize me.

A: You know what? I want to be high fashion. I want to be taken seriously.

B: Actual words are worth … almost nothing.

A: This is going to work out, and I’m still confident.

Dr. C and D abruptly sign their check and exit.

A: They just disappeared. And I sat there and ate my salad.

B: This is a Hollywood ending.

A: So for the cynics out there…

A and B (in unison): Sometimes it works out O.K.