Imagined Conversations (8.12.14)

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Spoken quotes from the week’s news in dialogue form.

A and B, dressed in ambiguous period garb, dine together at a ritzy restaurant.

A: To a kidney stone of a decade!

B: It doesn’t look like the sky has fallen in!

They clink their glasses.

A: Of course sometimes shit go down when there’s a billion dollars on an elevator.

B: Bitch, I’m a PartieBoi. I got a bottle of Captain Morgan in my hand

B slouches.

B: Does it look like I’m passed out?

A: Nah.

A long beat.

A: I’m drawn to a bubbling tray of lasagna.

B: I’m drawn to repressed men.

A: Fair enough! There’s a little bit of a fascist in all of us.

B: To wit! As long as you have the right connections and funding you can make anything you want happen.

A: It took Ronald Reagan to explain how simple the whole thing was.

B: To wit! I get to come in here and act like I own the place and run it 24 hours a day.

A appears unimpressed.

A: A monkey pressed the button…

B:… but I did all the setting up.

A: You are here because the outside world rejects you.

B: Sylvester, please, not so rough.

Another long beat.

A: Raise your hands if you’re a father and got a kid at home.

A raises his glass in the air.

B: You are the best dad I could ever wish for. I had the last golden childhood.

A: Women are smarter than men.

A and B (in unison): To wit!