Imagined Conversations (7.16.14)

Spoken quotes from the week’s news in dialogue form.

A: Please, don’t eat me. Look in your heart, don’t eat me.

B: OK, but I’m trying to help you.

A: The way you can help me is don’t eat me.

B: But how is that helping you? How is that helping you? Explain to me how that is helping you!

A: You don’t know what you’re doing. Why eat me? Me? I’m an extremely progressive liberal and the best kind. I give out alcohol, of unknown origin, as Christmas presents. I make all my interns read the most quirky things.

B: Quirky things?

A: Millennials tell us it’s what they want.

B: Millenialsone of the best generations.

A: One of the best generations we’ve ever had.

B: …

A: …

B: …

A: Please don’t eat me.

B: Listen, even after you’ve become a cadaver, you’re still retrievable. God is within us and he has different ways of showing it in our lives, and this is just one way of showing it.

A: Don’t eat—

B: —My friend sent you to me, assuring me that I can use you freely…

A: You don’t know what you’re doing! It’s immoral!

B: Please, that’s very dramatic.

A: …

B: I’m trying to help you.

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